McManus and French

Recently whilst in the gym a very severe issue has came to my attention. Actually it has been annoying me for years but I'm just now going to get it out there. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the gym somewhere people go to do physical activity? Well why do these so called exercisers insist on parking so close to the gym entrance they have to climb out the passenger door. Honestly though, it happens everywhere. I used to work in a really top notch private health club chain. Out front of the club there was a circular drive for hotel drop offs, with a lovely little fountain. You would see Jags, Porches, top of the range Mercedes parked half on the kerb squashed at the front of the club. There was a whole car park quite literally 10 yards away but of course that's not good enough. Perhaps the gym should employ staff to come over to these cars with wheelchairs and push people into the club too. In the gym the other day I was on the treadmill minding my own business as usual when I saw a big family saloon car drive up and into a disabled space. Obviously as I always think the best in people :-/ never in a million years did I expect a fully ambulant legging clad elephant leg to step out from the car. I peered and peered but yet no motability badge appeared on that window. She hung about a bit, had a cigarette, you know just to open up the lungs for a workout and then her friend turned up.

Down the car park drives a people carrier as it screeches diagonally into the disabled space next to our legging clad smoker. Out jumps her equally sizable and legging clad buddy, bear hug ensues (really I can only describe it as a bear hug). But she has done one better. She is wearing the most illuminous lime green trainers. The type of trainers only a really good runner should wear. I was thinking to myself that I better get off the treadmill before they get in just in case they show me up for the phony runner that I am.

What annoys me about this picture is not that they have parked in the disabled spaces (well yeah it is this act is unacceptable) but that they have parked in the two closest disabled spaces to the entrance which means anyone who genuinely needs that space cannot use it. They didn't have badges before you say it. The Sherlock Holmes in me checked this. So unless sever inability to dress appropriately for your size can get you disability now then they bottom out right there and then.

Now here comes the ironic park. McManus and French came into the gym and went straight onto the treadmill. So the duo couldn't walk the length of the car park but come to the gym to walk on a mechanical moving pavement. It just tickled me slightly. Here is the best bit. To my disappointment French was not, I repeat not an common wealth runner in her citrus colours shoes. In fact she was so bad at walking on a treadmill that every time she wanted to talk to her big pal Michelle she actually paused the treadmill. And on that bombshell..............

Tracy Who? (Am I just jealous of her success?)

So maybe you’ve heard of Personal trainer Tracy Anderson. Apparently she is responsible for Madonna’s arms and for Gwyneth’s skinny bod She’s just opened up a studio with Gwyneth, for all of £600 per month you too can learn the secrets to ultra-thin wiryness. Oh, you don’t have £600 to spare? Cheap ass! Lol! Well, don’t worry because I have the skinny (get it?) on Ms Anderson’s method. I have watched her workout videos, signed up to the free* videos on her website so maybe you should grab a notepad or something. You ready? Starve yourself and work out twelve hours every week. (Please don't take this serious) Oh, there’s some more details too, of course. Make sure you turn the heat way up when you do her workout. Don’t worry about why, it’s "science". Also, never lift anything heavier than 1.5kg! Because everyone knows the worst way to build muscles is to lift heavy things. You’ll need some help carrying your messages, picking up your kids, using dictionaries, making spaghetti, doing laundry, washing the dog…. but that’s fine. You don’t want to bulk up, do you? Speaking of no bulk. I didn’t know spices made you fat? WOW! Science revolution going on here. I don’t think there’s a day where your intake would go over 1000 calories. But don’t worry because Dr. Tracy did a double-blind five year study of this method on her own, she assures us and I’m sure she would have no reason to just completely make some shit up. Yeah right. You better hope you can manage to eat all that food though because Tracy’s six two-hour workouts each week will be using every bit of energy you’ve taken in(literally.) Her signature method: a blend of dance, pilates and secret moves given to her by some Nigerian prince she met through the internet is the only way to get results. No other type of workout, if done for 12 hours a week, could result in weight loss. Not really. Now, some people might tell you that you can just lift heavy things, make small changes to your diet and not pay thousands of poundsto get results. *You’ll also have to pay an initiation fee, of course. I mean, you can’t expect to join a gym for less than £1000 a year, can you? For your information Because this entry keeps getting a lot of hits from people searching for things like “how to eat like tracy anderson” or “gwyneth paltrow’s diet” and lots of outgoing traffic to the article on Tracy Anderson’s diet plan, I felt like I needed to say something. This woman, Tracy Anderson, does not have any kind of special magic knowledge. I don’t care that she’s skinny or that Gwyneth and Madonna are also skinny. I don’t care that she was on Oprah or that she has a jaw the size of Scotlands east coast. I don’t care that there are people out there desperate, rich and/or stupid enough to pay £600 month to train at her gym. There is absolutely nothing new or revolutionary about what she is doing. If you eat much less food than you need (aka: starve yourself) and workout 12 hours per week, then you will lose weight. You could eat all of you daily calories from cakes and exercise only by doing a gentle walk for two hours, you would still lose weight. What has Tracy Anderson actually done? She has kept two women who have always been thin, thin. She spends hours each week working out with them personally. They both have people that can prepare fresh, possibly tasty food for them. Wow, give me two women who have never even been overweight, give me hours to train with them and give them each a chef and I too will keep them thin. If you want to fit into kids jeans then I can do it for you too! I don’t know why we are interested in this woman. Maybe, like me, you are fascinated and frustrated by how it always seems to be that the people in the fitness industry who know the least get the most attention. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that beauty only happens between sizes 6 or 8. Maybe you’re not healthy or happy and you’re desperate to feel better. If you’re in the last two categories, do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time or especially your money on people like Ms Anderson, spend it on trainers like me ;-). Really, starving yourself and spending 2 hours a day, six days every week on exercise is not a revolution, it’s a disorder. There is good information out there on how to improve health regardless of weight. So go ahead and eat plenty of nourishing and delicious food, feel free to pick up things that are heavier than 1.5kg and don’t give people like Tracy Anderson any more undeserved attention or money. Rant Complete!

Whooaaa, my first post

How do I begin, first of all, welcome to my blog and if you like it please subscribe to read the rest and tell people about it. Also please feel free to tell stories have debates or just a giggle here and there in the comments box. Before I was a personal trainer, fitness was something I learned from school, television and my papa. The faster I ran the better and every exercise routine consisted of 3 sets 10 reps then stretching. Super sets? Pyramids? Intervals? Endurance? Waste 'o' time. Better to go hell for leather on the treadmill for 20 minutes and leave the gym sweating like a horse than do dainty little crunches or a aerobics class. Sure I was fit, but was that the point? Then I became a Personal Trainer (aka a know it all) In my first gym job I would walk right up to guys with arms bigger than my thigh and say "hey your not doing those bicep curls right" I was lucky some of these "muscle men" didn't throw me over the preacher bench in anger. I slowly began to learn to shut up with certain people and let them get on with it. Usually baffling them with the names of ligaments and tendons did the trick though if they thought I was just some skinny wee girl. I'd show em . . . . . . .