Gym Newbies! You can spot them a mile off, oh mother of god the trainers, blinding white, and so chunky that it looks like they are wearing the person rather than the other way around. They wander about looking like lost puppies, randomly sitting on a peice of equipment and they try to read the instructions without it looking obvious so it ends up they look like a cross between the elephant man and a pitbull, they go on the treadmill and actually clip themselves on whilst holding on with a grip so tight thier knuckles are white and they are so close to the front thier feet hit the base, 'Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang' or the leg press for instance they weights hit against each other on thier way back down 'Clang, Clang Clang' These are only a few noises of a newbie. . . . . . But no really I have a soft spot for gym newbies, I like to take them under my wing, i'm like a mini teradactle. Once I said to a newbie, have you tried the swiss ball, honestly just saying that had the same effect as kryptonite on superman, they virtually wasted away in front of me. So I took them over to it, sat them on it, asked them to relax "You're ok now, I've got you, i've got you, relax, let it go, relax, you're safe now" - I'm like the hero at the end of a movie, when he comforts the girl after she has been on the run from rogue FBI agents, and she's finally exposed them without getting caught. Eventually they relax, and most of the times you have a client for life, they are very loyal. Just yesterday at the gym, whilst doing my biceps I pressed pause on my ipod to listen to a "know it all" talk to a newbie (yes I know its fly, they thought I couldn't hear them) this particular newbie had a book at the gym with him, the men's health book with detailed explanations of exercises with diagrams. He looked gormless. The "know it all" was just taking an opportunity to show off so told the guy to try press ups with a weight on his back. the poor boy couldn't even do a press up at all. I mean really, there is looking like a newbie or looking like an idiot. Don't take a book to the gym, its a bloody invitation for all of lifes know it alls to give you advice. I watched, that's what happened, one left and another one took his place. Poor boys head was like mush, or more mushy than before.
Monday 19 April 2010
Newbies beware!
Gym Newbies! You can spot them a mile off, oh mother of god the trainers, blinding white, and so chunky that it looks like they are wearing the person rather than the other way around. They wander about looking like lost puppies, randomly sitting on a peice of equipment and they try to read the instructions without it looking obvious so it ends up they look like a cross between the elephant man and a pitbull, they go on the treadmill and actually clip themselves on whilst holding on with a grip so tight thier knuckles are white and they are so close to the front thier feet hit the base, 'Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang' or the leg press for instance they weights hit against each other on thier way back down 'Clang, Clang Clang' These are only a few noises of a newbie. . . . . . But no really I have a soft spot for gym newbies, I like to take them under my wing, i'm like a mini teradactle. Once I said to a newbie, have you tried the swiss ball, honestly just saying that had the same effect as kryptonite on superman, they virtually wasted away in front of me. So I took them over to it, sat them on it, asked them to relax "You're ok now, I've got you, i've got you, relax, let it go, relax, you're safe now" - I'm like the hero at the end of a movie, when he comforts the girl after she has been on the run from rogue FBI agents, and she's finally exposed them without getting caught. Eventually they relax, and most of the times you have a client for life, they are very loyal. Just yesterday at the gym, whilst doing my biceps I pressed pause on my ipod to listen to a "know it all" talk to a newbie (yes I know its fly, they thought I couldn't hear them) this particular newbie had a book at the gym with him, the men's health book with detailed explanations of exercises with diagrams. He looked gormless. The "know it all" was just taking an opportunity to show off so told the guy to try press ups with a weight on his back. the poor boy couldn't even do a press up at all. I mean really, there is looking like a newbie or looking like an idiot. Don't take a book to the gym, its a bloody invitation for all of lifes know it alls to give you advice. I watched, that's what happened, one left and another one took his place. Poor boys head was like mush, or more mushy than before.
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